Hi. My name is Sean and I’m a terrible human being. I have subjected many people to the horrors of feudalism, which isn’t something to be proud of, but hey—at least I learned from my mistakes! And because I care about you, I want you to learn from my mistakes as well. That’s why today we’re going to talk about how all those swords-and-armor movies got medieval history wrong. Here’s what actually sucks about this kind of lifestyle:
No one smiles.
Imagine a world where no one smiles. That’s feudalism. It’s not just an ugly system of governance, but an ugly time period. The average person wears drab colors, is often barefoot, and has the same expression on their face: angry. They’re constantly mad about something—the weather, their lack of food, the lack of rain for crops to grow—but rarely happy about anything else (except maybe their own family). This can be especially true if you’re a serf in medieval Europe or Japan: your life literally depends on how well you obey your lord or king; they are your only hope in this bleak existence! And if they decide to throw you out onto the streets… well… then there’s no hope at all!
You have to let people burn their houses down without telling them not to.
Feudalism is an economic system in which land is owned by the nobility and serfs work on the land for a share of the produce. The nobility owns the land, and serfs work on it. Serfs are tied to their lord’s land, meaning that they cannot leave; therefore, if a house catches fire because someone left a candle burning, or because someone leaned up against a flammable wall and started smoking weed (two things that have happened), you have to let it burn down without telling anyone not to do those things.
This means that when your house catches fire because of something like this (or due to faulty wiring), there will be no intervention from any officials who could help rescue your family or pets from dying in flames.
No coffee makers.
If you’re a coffee-drinking feudalist, you’ll likely find yourself in the uncomfortable position of having to rely on others for your caffeine fix. While this may not be so bad if you have a barista who’s willing to make your cup of joe at 7am before work, it’s more likely that they will be tired and grumpy. If you’re lucky enough to live near a coffee shop with a drive-thru window (and money in your pocket), then maybe this won’t be so much of an issue. But what if there isn’t even one nearby?
Once again: no coffee makers!
Horses eat a lot.
Horses eat a lot. They are large animals and they require a lot of food to stay healthy and happy. However, the horse owner is not responsible for providing all of the horse’s sustenance. This responsibility falls on someone else: either the owner or another person who has been paid by an owner (e.g., a groom), who will grow/raise crops or buy hay and feed them directly to the horses in their care as needed.
Feudalism is really bad
In feudalism, the government is run by a king (or queen). The king grants land to his vassals; in return, they swear allegiance to him and fight for him in times of war.
The king then gives each duke or baron some land to rule over—and so on down the ladder until you get to peasants who work on the lands that they don’t own. They pay taxes to their lord in exchange for protection and food when there’s not enough left over after paying taxes to buy it themselves!
Feudalism is bad because it’s unfair: Peasants are treated like slaves while people at higher levels of society get more power and influence than they deserve based on their intelligence or hard work alone (or lack thereof). The idea behind feudalism was that those who were strong enough could take what they wanted from others—but this system led many kings into wars with one another! And if peasants didn’t produce enough crops or livestock… well… let’s just say things got pretty ugly sometimes!
So, if you live in a feudal society, or if you’re considering moving to one, just remember what’s at stake.